Confidential Window

I know I’m in a place I’m not supposed to be. It feels exciting, like my eyes are closed.

I saw her at the window again tonight. I was standing in the dark and she was standing in the light. She had on a black negligee and high heels and no stockings. I don’t think she saw me. It was too dark. I had put out the streetlight with a rock. The sound of the glass shattering gave me a thrill. It made me feel like a perpetrator. Looking at her, I had my cock in my hand but it wasn’t hard. Later there was blood in my urine. I read a book about kidnappings. I kept getting grease on the pages and smearing the words. I couldn’t tell if I was losing anything important. A dog was barking outside and throwing itself against the door of my trailer. It made a heavy thud each time. Everything would shake. Each time, the thud sounded wetter. I could see the hinges straining. Eventually it stopped. I had a flashback. I was in the desert and breathing heavily. There was no one around but dead things. Something was torn in me. I wasn’t sure if I was really alive. I saw a fire buried in the sand. My future was in the fire, burning. It was coming towards me. Later they put me in the back of a truck and drove me to Houston. But that was a long time ago. The moon is bleeding and it’s too late to change the shape of the sun. I need to sleep.